


Cloak-and-Dagger Routine

by Lala_Sara



Series: E'Vira [4]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Hallucinations, M/M, Nightmares, Suicide Attempt, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:18:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lala_Sara/pseuds/Lala_Sara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garak’s hallucination problem isn’t over yet. Also Julian tries to solve Garak’s lying problem. With dubious success.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cloak-and-Dagger Routine

**Author's Note:**

> I took some things from post-canon novels, mostly from "A Stitch in Time" by Andrew Robinson and "Crimson Shadow" by Una McCormack. But I twisted most of them. The point of all this series was to bend canon. I call this genre "loose canon" :) So I don't ignore canon but I will do everything to interpret it sideways. There are no facts, only interpretations, as Friedrich Nietzsche said ;)  
> I did it in script form (loosely) but exporting formatting into AO3 is a pain in the ass so you can download it with all formatting here (https://yadi.sk/i/NR0fablzsShVT)  
> I'm Russian and not confident enough about my English but I couldn't find English beta. If you are irritated by my mistakes enough to be my beta - you're most welcome!  
> It's in seven parts and maybe I will someday update with some Tolan, Tain and Mila stuff (written or drawn) but I think I'm done with Garak and Julian for now.

Garak’s hallucination problem isn’t over yet. Also Julian tries to solve Garak’s lying problem. With dubious success.

 

E'VIRA

Episode III

"CLOAK-AND-DAGGER ROUTINE"

Written by

Lala Sara

 

FADE IN:

INT. GARAK AND BASHIR'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

Julian and Garak have sex. Julian is on top of Garak who is lying face up; and it's obvious that Julian penetrates Garak. Soon Julian comes and falls on the side. Garak still wants the attention though.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Jokingly throwing Garak's hands from himself)

Oh you insatiable.

Garak stops himself. He is clearly offended but instead of confronting Julian who seems to be unaware of the problem, he turns away from him.

ELIM GARAK

(Grumbles almost inaudible)

Must be all bed-side manners of yours are in the profession.

JULIAN BASHIR

 What?

ELIM GARAK

 Nothing.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Cuddling to Garak's back)

I was so afraid actually about the whole sex thing. You know, you being the man. I never had sex with men before. Not on that scale. And when I was experimenting it wasn't very great. But with you it's everything very familiar still. You could be a woman and nothing would've change.

Garak is visibly trying so hard not to hit Julian. But he controls himself.

ELIM GARAK

 Very ugly woman, my love.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh stop it. You're not ugly.

ELIM GARAK

 As I said before I hardly have a figure for the object of your erotic desires according to your record of lovers. I've seen plenty to see a pattern. So any desire you have for me in bed, my love, is obviously invoked by something above the waist. And I don't mean my chest.

Garak turns himself to Julian at last.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Well, your chest is very comfortable for one of a man.

Julian demonstrates by lying down on it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You're very comfortable all over for a scaly creature. And what is too rough for me is sensitive for you.

Julian demonstrates by stroking Garak's neck ridge and follows down the side ridge. Garak is pleased.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I have a theory that your ancestors kept what our reptilians lost - the lateral line. Which tells me that you were amphibian before the climate change struck. Our fish and some amphibians have it but those terrestrial vertebrates who became also strictly terricole have lost it. It's not that effective in air, only in water. But you still find it useful, for sex at least, so it isn't going away.

(after the pause)

 I'm sorry for earlier. My brain seemed to had a short circuit when I came. I forgot that you can't... Will you forgive me?

ELIM GARAK

 If you will keep apologizing with your hands, my dear.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Like that?

ELIM GARAK

 Yes, that would be efficient.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Now I'm rethinking my desire to be a Cardassian. It's either not having orgasm at all or have it for several hours. I can become a moron only as a result of a couple of seconds of it but hours? It's like having a seizure for hours. Or being electrocuted. It must be exhausting. It would certainly make my brain dead. Or at least lobotomized. But I gather you Cardassians have a tolerance for this sort of thing. No wonder after that most of altering mind methods doesn't have effect on you. Well, at least when you don't want it.

ELIM GARAK

 You're right about the link between prolong orgasming and resistance to mind altering means. There was a technique in Order to train young recruits which included sex. You have to unlock your natural instincts, as they say...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Was that?..

ELIM GARAK

 With women, yes. Not my favorite subject, so to speak. I hated those lessons. But I excelled in them. No emotional bond with the partner and general disgust hugely helps to stay alert. With you, my love, I struggle even without orgasming.  Hope I'm not gonna be forced to lead a literature discussion during one. By the way, you being content at me being almost a woman, has it something to do with setback in your progress in finding a solution to my little problem? Does it bother you so much, me being able to be a functional man?

JULIAN BASHIR

 That depends. Are you planning on...

ELIM GARAK

(Laughing)

I think I have to ask Kel to tell you why we mismatched so much in bed with her even when she still had mostly men's features. I can assure you, my love, your skinny ass is safe. Does it really bother you so much?

JULIAN BASHIR

 A little. But your mismatching wouldn’t be so surprising being Kel the same as you... None of you being able...

ELIM GARAK

 I’m sorry, I thought it was obvious. Kel was born with the gland. She always was half a woman physiologically as well as full one mentally. As you already no doubt found out nobody could perform successful gland implantation so how do you think she's a functional woman now? It's a total waste now her being with another woman, though...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Erm. It even can be the reason of that setback. Not the protection of my skinny ass, mind you. I was waiting for you to tell me how she became fully functional woman.

ELIM GARAK

 Oh. You thought I am withholding from you a solution to the problem in resolving of which I am vitally interested. Seems logical thing to do! My dearest, this is not what you need. I honestly don't know any means except a live woman in bed which I personally find revolting but I can consider in time if your genius fails to find any other solution. There is no conservation method that could make secretion useful after very short time; and no one could synthesize it successfully. And believe me, men tried, and I'm not talking about sentimental minority. But to no avail. And there is no successful transplanting of the gland. And no artificial one.

JULIAN BASHIR

 In this all I believe. Also I believe that whatever solution I find, it will be soon outdated. Well, I just hope in your particulate case it will stick and that all I can hope for.

ELIM GARAK

 So you have something?

JULIAN BASHIR

 No, not yet. I am still wandering in the dark. So this mutation - is it intersex? Is it genetic?  She had both hemipenes and the gland?

ELIM GARAK

 Yes. No inner women organs, just the gland. And she cut off her hemipenes even before I met her. She performed the surgery herself. Fierce creature. But I didn't know of course. She never indicated to me that she wasn't a boy for many years of our acquaintance. She looked like a very beautiful boy, much like you, my love. So I thought they - being the Order - mutilated him. My poor boy. I was so angry. And so in love, the fool. The fool not because she lied to me about her being her - she had every right to, it wasn't a very safe environment for an inconvenient freak like that. And I knew it too good, being inconvenient freak myself, you know. But a fool because I didn't see her cringing every time man touch her. Including me. I thought he was in love with me, too. But she only wanted to have friend. I guess one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood, as one smart human said. Of course one smart Cardassian said it much earlier...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Only because your totalitarian regime lasted longer than on my planet. Oh so that's why you were so careful around me - you don't trust or don't understand when someone is in love with you - you were fooled once.

ELIM GARAK

 Careful? My dear, I was so careless when I met you. If I was careful, you wouldn't know about me at all.

JULIAN BASHIR

 But you didn't... Okay... Never mind. But you stayed friends with Kel when she finally told you.

ELIM GARAK

 I was a fool but she needed a clever friend. So yes, I became a clever friend for her. Not clever enough, mind you, we were caught, and not much of a friend for that three years...

JULIAN BASHIR

 So what about this mutation? Do you know something about it? I haven’t heard of it still.

ELIM GARAK

 No wonder, they control every case of it. Well, I don't know about now... I would be surprised if you find something without knowing what to look for. As I heard it could be the result of inbreeding so look into that direction. But then maybe it's just a slur.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You mentioned androgynes and pinched inbred faces in your letters. More like slurs but...

ELIM GARAK

 Well, do I use slurs so much?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yes, that was my question, too. And you used Federation Standard in both cases.

ELIM GARAK

 It's perhaps universal that when some families don’t want to share power they practice inbreeding.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Nodding)

Blue blood. Of course on Earth it’s more of a historical problem – royalty and aristocracy had it.

ELIM GARAK

 Almost as our term, 'thin blood', 'light blood' or 'grey blood' - we think their blood is so thinned by interbreeding it's much lighter than usual black. Of course scientifically it's not true. As I understand 'blue blood' is also not true. Or you found out that Andorians are your kin in your last adventure?

JULIAN BASHIR

(Chuckles)

Yeah, adventure... No, nothing like that. But they adopted me actually.

ELIM GARAK

 That must be useful.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, I don't know. I don't know how I could use it...

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, leave it to me, my dear. So about those powerful families. As I understand it's also very universal that their built become more and more ectomorphic. Thus ‘pinched inbred faces’. Unfortunately, I myself have a thing for ectomorphs.

Garak demonstrates it by sliding his hands over Julian's figure.

ELIM GARAK

 And a family that somehow got around this predicament.

Garak demonstrates it by sliding Julian's hands over his own, Garak's, figure

JULIAN BASHIR

 In a Cardassian it could be beneficial for a sentimental, I see, with the gland mutation, so it seems logical.

ELIM GARAK

 I had never such luck though. The only 'grey blood' I was mutually in love with had different mutation, rather useless one.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Is it Akellen?

ELIM GARAK

 No, we won't be talking about Akellen. I don't think we'll ever be. Go to sleep already.

JULIAN BASHIR

 And you'll be staring in the ceiling as always? You have to sleep, too. Is it me? You can't sleep with me here? It's normal, you haven't get used to sleep with someone in one bed. I won't be offended if you will sleep separately. Go and sleep.

ELIM GARAK

 Do you think I will sleep well not seeing you through the night? I'm much of a paranoid, you know.

JULIAN BASHIR

 We'll move another bed in here. You'll be seeing me. You can't live like that. Now go and sleep.

Julian pushes Garak from the bed.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Tomorrow we will be moving furniture, now we both have to sleep. Go.

ELIM GARAK

 (In sarcastic delight)

 You already throwing me out of bed! I knew it! You even didn't offer to go yourself!

JULIAN BASHIR

(Yawning)

 Would you let me?

ELIM GARAK

 Not a chance!

JULIAN BASHIR

 See, I just didn't want... Oh, go already, I need sleep, and you too...

Julian is falling asleep.

INT. THE HOUSE'S HALLS - NIGHT

We follow Garak as he's searching for a bed in other rooms. He is bringing a blanket and a pillow with him. As he walks the halls we see his flashback in daylight - Mila and Tolan doing everyday chores. In the flashback house is new and slightly different. Pots of flowers everywhere. He is coming in one of the rooms but he sees the flashback of dying Tolan in the bed so he can't sleep in it. We hear Mila's voice saying "He was sentimental. Like you." In another room he sees himself as a child. Hiding in the closet. There is someone in the room. We don't see who it is but Little Elim cowers in fear. Garak can't sleep here either. He returns to the bedroom where Julian is sleeping. He sighs and lays on the bed trying to not disturb Julian.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Elim, when will you be sleeping and let me sleep?

ELIM GARAK

 I couldn't find the place.

JULIAN BASHIR

 There are three beds in this house, I remember. You weren't looking good enough.

ELIM GARAK

 I'll try to fall asleep now.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I hope you'll fall asleep, Elim, it had been too long even for you.

Julian is slipping back into sleep. Garak is looking at Julian. Time is running. Garak is awake. As sun is rising we see with Garak's POV that what he is looking at is Julian's neck. We see this neck and nothing else. Garak is tense.

Sudden FLASHBACK (or is it? It's in the same light) with Garak's hands (we know it's him only because of his POV, they're younger and somewhat different but it could be just illumination) that seems like strangling someone’s neck (is it Julian's? It's similar but, again, with different skin tone. By the way, both hands and neck skin tones in flashback are much more alike to each other than Garak's and Julian's now) - we don't see anything but this neck and Garak's hands but the background is different - it's a tiled floor. Everything is in some thick greenish liquid that is glistening in the twilight. Garak in a flashback breathes with panic and he whispers "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". Soon we understand that Garak from the present also breathes in panic and even whispers the same words. We are back in the present. Garak's hands are on Julian's neck. Julian is waking up; he puts his hands on Garak's ones in attempt to throw them away.

ELIM GARAK

(putting his own hands away)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Garak jumps up and storms out of the room. Julian is awake and rubs his neck. He comes out of bed and goes after Garak.

EXT. GARDEN BY THE HOUSE - MORNING

Julian comes to Garak who is sitting on the bench shaking.

JULIAN BASHIR

 That's why you can't sleep?

Garak nods yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You're afraid you'll hurt me.

Garak nods yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 It's an instinct. You are disturbed from the sleep and in your experience it’s not someone with good intentions. Of course your first reaction is to fight back. I'm sorry, I should have understood it sooner. My offer to have two beds in bedroom stands if you are also can't sleep not knowing how am I. Can you become fully awake before you reach my bed? We'll place them in opposite corners.

Garak nods yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Shall we do it now before work?

Garak nods yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Was it one of your reasons to deem yourself dangerous to me?

Garak nods yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I understand you but it's not your fault. And it can be easily managed. Don't worry. In time you will get used to the body next to you, your subconscious will adapt. For now, you will be sleeping in another bed but I encourage you to sleep with me when you feel most safe to make a new habit. And don't forget that it's only seconds, you can't kill me with bare hands in seconds - at least not when you're confused. I know you must be familiar with couple of methods... It's gonna be alright, Elim. Let's go grab ourselves a bed.

Garak nods yes, he's not shaking anymore.

INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

There is a new second bed in there. It could be either one of the other two. Garak is sitting on it. Julian is sleeping in the first one. The first one is bigger but Julian is lying on the edge. We see him from Garak's POV. Sometime later Garak is nodding off so he lays down. He is ready to sleep. But then he opens his eyes and we see Julian from his POV. We see the neck. Garak is disturbed again so he sits up. He shakes his head.

INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT.

Garak is sleeping while sitting - he put the pillow behind his back. He sees the dream.

EXT. - ROMULUS, GARDEN - DAY

Two Romulan young men - the one is looking like young Garak if he was Romulan, the other somehow looks like Julian - are sitting on the bench. They are talking and laughing but we can't distinguish words.

Suddenly we see that we are looking at them through POV of two Cardassians who are watching Romulans from the distance. One of them is Garak as we know him now and the other one is Tain.

ENABRAN TAIN

You have to do it, Elim. There is no other way. You have been compromised. It's either you or him.

ELIM GARAK

 But I love him!

ENABRAN TAIN

 Not you, Elim. Him.

(He points at the Romulan who looks like Garak)

He loves him. But he isn't you. He's no one. He doesn't exist. I created him. He belongs to me. And as I created him I will erase him. So no more him and no more feelings. See? It's easy.

ELIM GARAK

 No! I am him.

ENABRAN TAIN

 Oh, please, Elim. You know the rules. Or somebody else will do it for you. Really, I'm doing you a favor - you will make your goodbyes, you will make it quick and painless.

ELIM GARAK

 I said no! You can't take it from me. Not this. I quit.

ENABRAN TAIN

 You know, you're right. You are him. I created you. You belong to me. As I created you I will erase you.

In the last phrases Tain is seen through Garak's eyes, filling his vision until all that is in it is Tain’s smirk.

Garak wakes up with a heavy breathing. Julian on the next bed is soundly asleep. Garak is shaking head "no" and whispers with only lips "no". He stands up and hurries out.

EXT. HOUSE'S GARDEN - IN THE MORNING TWILIGHT

Garak is trying to calm down from the nightmare through gardening. We see him doing it for a while. He's starting to calm down. He's using grafting knife. He knows his work, he's loving it. It makes him calm down.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - THE SAME TIME

Julian goes out of the house.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Under his breath)

Yeah, like I can sleep without him...

(Calling)

 Elim, where are you, you silly lizard? Who said that he would be sleeping?

EXT. HOUSE'S GARDEN - THE SAME TIME

Continuation.

Garak hears Julian. Garak's POV - suddenly in his eyes what he is holding is not a grafting knife but the Romulan dagger! Garak throws it away from himself. Seeing it on the ground makes the FLASHBACK - the same dagger on the tiled floor we already have seen in the flashback with his hands on the throat, dagger is covered in the same greenish substance. Flashback ends and Garak falls on his knees beside the grafting knife - we see that it is still only grafting knife and only Garak sees it as a Romulan dagger.

ELIM GARAK

 No! No!

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - THE SAME TIME

Continuation.

Julian hears Garak and goes after the voice.

EXT. HOUSE'S GARDEN - THE SAME TIME

Continuation.

Garak takes the knife up - we see it as a Romulan dagger, with him.

ELIM GARAK

 You want me to kill him? Or else you kill him? Is that what you're saying?

Garak is sick to the heart.

ELIM GARAK

 I can't do it. I rather die myself.

Garak suddenly is calm.

ELIM GARAK

 Is that it? Me or him? There is no reason to kill him if I will be dead. He compromised only me. He is no threat to anyone else. He is no thread to you.

Garak smiles. He digs the knife into his throat under the neck ridge and changes the angle so he could hit something under it. Apparently the artery is there because the blood is starting to pump. His legs give in and he flops on the ground.

Julian goes into the scene and see Garak who is already in a substantial pool of black blood. He is clearly bleeding to death. Julian is struck but physician’s instincts kick in. He hurries to Garak's side.

Garak pulls the knife out of the wound and threatens Julian with it.

ELIM GARAK

 No! You'll be free! Don't you see? I have to do it. There is no other way.

Julian knocks the knife out of Garak's hand with his hand. No time for negotiations. No time for his own hand injured in the process - red blood is also almost black in the twilight. Garak is trying to fight Julian but the blood loss is already makes his conscience fade. Julian tries to put pressure to the wound but the artery that bleeds is too deep in it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I can't see, damn it.

Julian notices the knife he knocked out, takes it and widens the wound by cutting through the ridge. Now he can see the wound and where the artery ends are. He puts pressure with his fingers - blood stops. Now he can move Garak. Garak is still conscious but unresponsive. Garak's POV - he sees very obscurely. Julian lifts him up and carries him to the house.

INT. HOUSE - SOON LATER

Julian puts Garak on the floor.

JULIAN BASHIR

 (Shouts)

 Bashir Emergency One!

Emergency transfusion kit with black Cardassian blood materializes in the replicator.

Garak's POV - he loses conscience. Black out.

INT. CARDASSIAN HOSPITAL - DAY

It's a hall with many beds with just dividers between them. There are many patients. Garak is in the bed. His neck in the place of the wound is regenerated and pale. It looks like a massive scar. He comes around. Julian is sitting beside him. He is holding Garak's hand. He notices that Garak woke up, moves nearer to the head and smiles sadly.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Hi.

ELIM GARAK

 Argh... You look like shit.

JULIAN BASHIR

 (Laughing)

Yeah, pretty much. I look like you feel, I guess.

ELIM GARAK

 No, I don't think I feel the half of it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Hey! You also are not the freshest flower in the bunch right now. But if you say you're feeling not like I look it's a good sign. You shall take full recovery. Or what doctor Vesim said because when I got you here - I am definitely petitioning the transporter in the house - they took you away from me. But you were in good hands.

ELIM GARAK

 Are you trying to assure me or yourself? I don't think you will let them keep me more than strictly necessary. Actually I count on it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 (Chuckles)

It is definitely the plan.

(Seriously)

I have to ask, my love. I know it's too soon and all but... I have to know. Why? Why did you try to kill yourself?

ELIM GARAK

 (With short flashbacks to the scene in the garden)

The dagger. They planted the dagger. I had to choose. You or me. I couldn't let it happen again!

JULIAN BASHIR

 I don't understand. Can you explain? Who's they?

ELIM GARAK

 Ones who planted the dagger. The Romulan dagger. The one I used.

Garak demonstrates that he used it on his neck.

JULIAN BASHIR

 There was no dagger, my love, you did it with your grafting knife.

ELIM GARAK

 No. No. The one I was holding.

JULIAN BASHIR

 The grafting knife. You were holding Cardassian grafting knife you always use in the garden.

ELIM GARAK

 They must've replaced it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 My love, they wouldn't have the chance. I was there in seconds. You were still stabbing.

ELIM GARAK

 No, no! They planted it and then replaced it!

JULIAN BASHIR

 Did you see them?

ELIM GARAK

 No. I didn't see them; they aren't called secret service for nothing. They planted the dagger.

JULIAN BASHIR

 But there was no dagger, my love.

ELIM GARAK

 No. You must be confused, I was in blood, it was in blood, you must've been mistaken.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Me?

ELIM GARAK

 Just go and look again! No! Don't go! They will find out I'm not dead and they'll come for you!

JULIAN BASHIR

 Why?

ELIM GARAK

 Because of me.

JULIAN BASHIR

 To... Avenge you for Merrok or who you assassinated when you were on Romulus? I don't think... Unless his son who was in Tal Shiar... He knew it was you.

ELIM GARAK

 (Laughing hysterically)

 What a notion! You have a remarkable imagination, doctor.

JULIAN BASHIR

 We're on professional title terms again? I see...

ELIM GARAK

 What? Who are you?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Elim. It's me.

ELIM GARAK

 I don't know you.

Garak watches Julian and distant doctors and nurses with unease.

JULIAN BASHIR

 No. You're lying. You're simulating... Do you? Elim?

Garak doesn't answer. Julian covers his mouth in fear and goes away.

Garak waits till he's gone and stands up hurrying. He can't find his clothes. Doesn't matter. He's going like that - in the Cardassian hospital gown which only slightly better than Federation one.

Julian is returning with Naven Aglorra, but they still don't know Garak is gone - his bed is behind the divider.

NAVEN AGLORRA

 When brain is used to do something it will keep on doing it. You eliminated the cause of his hallucinations but the brain already knows how to do it by itself; and now it is the cause itself. That was the problem - that he lost the ability to control his hallucinations, his brain already was trained to hallucinate by itself so it didn't need devices.

JULIAN BASHIR

 What about him not recognizing me?

NAVEN AGLORRA

 That's...

They see that Garak is gone.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Elim? Elim? Slet, I had to tie him up or something. If he lost his memory, he will react as he's an agent in a hostile environment. As he said once he's pretty much uncatchable. Still - alarm security. Tell them not to engage, though. I don't need anyone's death on my conscience.

NAVEN AGLORRA

 Julian, what I was saying, he couldn't lose his memory. He had no signs of any illness that can cause it and nothing can work that fast. So he's simulating the memory loss.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Ceffing slet! So he's gone to terminate the whole Tal Shiar before it terminates me, I guess, and amnesia was just a ruse. We better call the Romulan embassy, then...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL - DAY

Garak is going out of the hospital - through some backdoor. When he sees that the city around is still isn't fully rebuilt he realizes something. He goes out to the street.

ELIM GARAK

 I’m the last one. I’m the last one.

Garak leans on the wall and lowers himself by it. He's sobbing.

Through the main entrance Julian, Naven and security go out in hurry. Julian spots Garak who is not hiding.

INT. HOUSE, DINNER ROOM - EVENING

Julian serves red leaf tea and Garak drinks it through the dialogue.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You should've told me that Tal Shiar is after you.

ELIM GARAK

 But that's not true. And how did you imagine it was them at all in the first place?

JULIAN BASHIR

 That is one of your least successful lies, Elim. You were so afraid of someone that you tried to kill yourself! With what you thought is a Romulan dagger! That's pretty much telling!

ELIM GARAK

 I hallucinated!

JULIAN BASHIR

 You obviously feel that they are after you. And me.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I can assure you, my love, they aren't. Of course now they can take too seriously you harassing their embassy...

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm sure they'll be sympathetic. I've nearly lost you again. It will be how many times?

ELIM GARAK

 You knew what line of work...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, save it! I just want you to trust me enough so I can help you, that's all. I'm not a damsel in distress. You don't have to fight with the horde for me and especially you don't have to commit suicide for me! Don't dare think of me this way anymore. If it's a fight, I'm fighting by your side! For this, of course, you have to tell me truth about your enemies.

ELIM GARAK

 What if my... enemies are right to fight me? Would you fight by my side if you knew I killed an innocent? Or you will "regret you ever met me"?

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm sorry. I shouldn't say it.

ELIM GARAK

 I really really tried but I can't. I can't stand placing you in this position. I know you should regret you ever met me and it's my fault for not resisting my temptations enough. That's why I can't let any harm come to you. Not because you can't have your own battles but because it's not your battles.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You're trying to distract me. You don't want to tell me what happened between you and Romulans so you're finishing with me. Like you can get rid of me so easily. In both situations. I'm not gonna let you leave just because you think I shouldn't have your battles because I already spend ten years doing exactly that and it was not enjoyable! I better die in your battle than live without you one more day. And also I can remember everything so you can forget distracting me with feelings. The more times you use my feelings against me the less it works. Tell me about Romulans!

ELIM GARAK

 You're too good for your own good.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yes, I've been told that. Now speak!

ELIM GARAK

 There is no danger, that is the truth. I never let anyone who can later avenge to know I was the perpetrator and survive it. Of course, my dear, this indeed actually means I've killed innocent people but you, as always, prefer to pay no heed to it. Well, if you insist, yes, that would be exactly the case I did just that, left someone to avenge me later. If it wouldn't... work itself out. But I... forgot it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Your memory... Naven said you can't have amnesia. You couldn't forget the situation was already not an issue.

ELIM GARAK

 It was more like memory hallucination than amnesia. I didn't forget, I... rearranged it. It was like I was before the situation... worked itself out.

Garak has difficulties with uttering words 'worked itself out', both times.

JULIAN BASHIR

 How?

ELIM GARAK

 It doesn't matter.

JULIAN BASHIR

 And I just have to believe you?

ELIM GARAK

 What's your choice?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Well... You're forgetting that I'm a genius doctor.

ELIM GARAK

 And?

JULIAN BASHIR

 And I started to work on formula for the truth serum for Cardassians the moment I found out they are unaffected by any known compound. And now when I have the access to all Cardassian medicine... Mmm... You know what I mean? This tea was not with red leaf only.

ELIM GARAK

 (outraged)

 You poisoned me!

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, look who's talking, mister 'I will imbue a letter with the poison only my dear genius doctor knows the antidote for'.  And what was in that letter so valuable and crucial and so secret? Another lie! Now for first time in your life be so kind and tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

ELIM GARAK

 It is the truth! There is no danger from Tal Shiar.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Why?

ELIM GARAK

 Because it worked itself out. And I actually wasn't afraid of them at all, I was afraid of the Order and as soon as I recalled they are definitely not an issue anymore I returned. Oh no, it works! I wanted to stay on vengeful Tal Shiar member version.

JULIAN BASHIR

 How the situation 'worked itself out'?

ELIM GARAK

 Please, Julian, don't make me tell you that.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Why? Why I shouldn't?

ELIM GARAK

 Because you will leave if I tell you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Well, according to you, you want me to leave.

ELIM GARAK

 I do not. I do not. That's my pathetic truth. I don't want you to leave. I want to tie you to a bed and never let you go. Please, don't ask me anything anymore.

Garak is sobbing. Julian lowers himself before him and takes Garak's hands in his.

JULIAN BASHIR

 There is nothing pathetic about wanting someone you love to stay. Tell me about Romulus assignment. I need to know the details. I can't help you if I don't know anything. What should scare me off in it, do you think? There were things you thought before that should scare me off. How much of them really did?

ELIM GARAK

 None?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yes, none so far. So why do you think this one will?

ELIM GARAK

 Because it's my fault he's dead.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Who?

ELIM GARAK

 Ustard. Ustard Merrok. Sub-commander of military but in fact the Tal Shiar agent undercover. When we met I knew him only as my employer's son. And he knew me only as a gardener. Romulan gardener. His father was too hostile to any other species and much so to Cardassians, there was no other way. Also I lied about the embassy. I went deep undercover. In Romulan skin and with implanted memory. Junior gardener Gorak Kilyle. My program was to hear and see everything in his house and I should get information to the Order when they wake me. But when they woke me they placed me back with new order - to kill both Merroks - Ustard was too suspicious in my report. But I was... conflicted. I was in love with Ustard by that time and returning of my own memory didn’t break it. It should but it didn't. I think if I was in my own mind I would do it anyway, fall in love with him. He was your psi, my love, it was inevitable. It didn't change anything for him, it seemed, too. I had a lousy plastic job - nothing worked. You know, down there. It usually doesn't, but it wasn't normal for a Romulan male. But we weren't supposed to slet around, you know. I guess I broke the program or they just didn't expect me to fall in love with a man and had no code for that. I don't know. The fact is we were intimate - where do you think I learned those tricks from, my love? Romulan sex technique is similar to human's. But because of that Ustard knew I was not a Romulan long before I woke up. I didn't know why I'm like that - there was a blank in my Romulan identity, and it was very telling - by that age you probably should get a diagnosis. He should use it and feed me disinformation. He didn't, at least the Order Had no harmful consequences from it. But when I woke up Ustard was ready. He had a hunch I was after his father.

JULIAN BASHIR

 He caught you?

ELIM GARAK

 Literally, yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 But Merrok died. And Ustard, too.

ELIM GARAK

 Sometimes death is just an illusion. And assassination is just a natural death.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, Elim, facts!

ELIM GARAK

 He told his father everything. I can assume by Merrok having a stroke during the talk 'everything' included that Ustard is involved with a Cardassian and stands by him - at least it's what he told me - that no matter what he'll stand by me. I guess it meant stand by me during my trial if he locked me up... I don't really know his intentions. I still was contemplating my own. He had more time to decide on his. I decided to stage both his and his father's deaths in a transporter accident - I knew a trick from Mila. But Ustard locked me in his secret location - as any Tal Shiar he had hideouts for work that nobody knew - and went confessing to his father. When he came back... He told me that I didn't have assignment anymore, that my target is eliminated. He was in hysterics. He said that his father's own racism killed him without any tools like Obsidian Order agents; and it's the most hilarious joke he ever heard in his life. And he freed me, told me to go. Of course I refused. What about standing by each other? We agreed to elope. I staged his death on a public transporter and simultaneously transported him back into that secret location. When I came back for him...

INT. ROMULAN HIDEOUT - SUNSET.

We see a FLASHBACK. It's the same scene with Garak's hands on someone's throat but now we see it from different angle and we see that it's Romulan Garak and Ustard who is in the pool of his own blood. Garak is trying to close the wound. Ustard's eyes are open and don't blink.

ELIM GARAK

 (V.O. from the present)

He was already dead. He slitted his throat with his officer's dagger. Or Tal Shiar did it for him. Or The Order, I would never know. For many years I thought he couldn't commit suicide, surely. He was such a sunny boy. Always laughing and joking. He had your smile, my love. You know I always could warm up under your smile and it is so bright I can go blind?

INT. HOUSE, DINNER ROOM - EVENING

Continuation.

JULIAN BASHIR

 (hugging Garak)

 Elim... My love... I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry.

ELIM GARAK

 So the irony is I didn't kill anyone on that assignment but anyway it's my fault they all are dead. I didn't tell Tain any of that. I was a coward. My report stated I killed both Merroks. The truth was I was just an observer of a family tragedy. No. A cause of a family tragedy. Isn't everything a family tragedy in the end?

JULIAN BASHIR

 (backing off enough to look at Garak’s face)

 Unwilling cause, my love. It's alright. And it wasn't cowardice, you couldn't bring them back, you could only survive. I can't complain on you surviving.

ELIM GARAK

 (touching Julian's throat)

 When I was... hallucinating memory I thought Ustard's wound was right where yours is. But it can't be. Humans and Romulans have similar neck blood vessels. If he would have made a cut here... Perhaps he could still be alive... And if your wound was in the same place his was... You wouldn't survive. I can't complain on you surviving. What happened? With you? And why you kept the scar?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Truth for the truth?

ELIM GARAK

 I have to know to help you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I guess you're right. I didn't really intend to die, as you noticed. I did it myself, though, and then I kept the scar for the same reason. To let my parents know they make me feel this way. I was a teenager, it was pathetic.

Julian shakes his head.

JULIAN BASHIR

 If it's unnerving you I can heal it, it doesn't matter anymore.

ELIM GARAK

 No. Now it reminds ME you could feel that way. Makes me more cautious.

Julian touches new tissue on Garak's neck.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Me, too, my love, me, too. I shall be more cautious...

Garak holds this Julian's hand.

ELIM GARAK

 The most harmful is not the abuse itself but when they dismiss it. When they tell that it wasn't abuse and they did it for your own sake. Even if we indeed benefited from it, it was still the abuse. They just had to admit it to make it better. Admit they decided for us and it wasn't their choice to make.

JULIAN BASHIR

 So you won't decide for me? Won't try to leave again? I felt like that (Julian touches his own scar with other hand) when you were lying there in a pool of blood. I can't let you decide for me. Give me a chance.

ELIM GARAK

 Yes. Will you forgive me?

JULIAN BASHIR

 How can I not? Why you thought I will leave after you tell me about Ustard?

ELIM GARAK

 You still want to stay?

JULIAN BASHIR

 More than ever.

ELIM GARAK

 Maybe you ARE my e'vira and I should stop being scared of losing you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Hey! You said you were already sure I'm your e'vira.

ELIM GARAK

 Just because you keep coming back.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I wish I never went in the first place. How could I have lost the whole ten years? I don't understand how it happened. They went so fast. There were so blank, I don't remember much, only dull and boring.

ELIM GARAK

 You have to tell Naven. I think it's depression. I once lost about ten years of my life and I believe it was due to depression.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh. When? After Romulus?

ELIM GARAK

 We have to lie down, my love. Firstly, I'm still poorly and tired, and secondly, your knees are not made of resin.

They stand up and go into the bedroom.

ELIM GARAK

 There was no truth serum, was it?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Wouldn't you like to know. Oh. Does this mean you didn't tell the truth?

ELIM GARAK

 Wouldn't you like to know.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I have to work on that formula.

INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM - EVENING

Continuation. They lay down on the bed, cuddled. Pause.

JULIAN BASHIR

 So really, the lost years, were they after...

Julian notices that Garak is asleep already and cuts himself short. He smiles tenderly at the sight.

INT. HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY

Julian is cooking. Bed-haired Garak bursts in.

ELIM GARAK

 Why didn't you wake me? I have a job, I missed a meeting, why would you do that to me?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh shut up. You're in no condition to work. I'm your doctor and I told them you're ill. Which you are, or you forgot you stabbed yourself to death? You had a clinical death, a psychotic episode, and a severe insomnia - in reverse order. I think we already established that you don't work well in such conditions. Sit. You've been sleeping and it's marvelous. But you have to eat also. I bet you woke up only because of the hunger, yes?

ELIM GARAK

 No.

Garak's stomach growls.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Lying. As always. Sit and eat.

Julian serves the food for two and begins to eat himself.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Today you're my only patient so I can be your only... What name is for the people you help?

ELIM GARAK

 Petitioners.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Right. I'll be the one. I have a petition. Stop feeling guilty when it's not your fault.

ELIM GARAK

 I will take it into consideration.

Garak is starting to eat.

JULIAN BASHIR

 That's not very assuring.

ELIM GARAK

 My petitioners sometimes have to go with less than that.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You are not very helpful minister, then.

ELIM GARAK

 My love, if someone with nothing wrong with them whatsoever comes to your clinic and claims they're ill what would you say?

JULIAN BASHIR

 I would say they're actually ill and the diagnosis is hypochondria. Or if they're asking for narcotics I'd say it's an addiction. Both are treatable.

ELIM GARAK

 In my line of work their diagnosis would be corruption. And it's not treatable with what I can give, it can be treated only with the door in their faces.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, so I'm corrupted now.

ELIM GARAK

 Of course you are, my love, and disgustingly privileged. Making petitions! Huh!

JULIAN BASHIR

 I have to tell you something. It's not a justification, I... I sometimes do not see right away or - it would be better - beforehand, consequences of my words. It's strange for me, because I seemed to spent my entire life watching what I say to not reveal my secret, but... But it's true. Sometimes I'm an idiot and a social klutz.

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, I hope you are gonna apologize for your Romulan embassy harassing. If they'll start digging in my... biography after yesterday, find out I killed Vreenak and it will ruin diplomatic relationship between Romulus and Cardassia as well as Romulus and Federation because I won't sink alone, no-no, I will tell I did it in Sisko's request... Then I will blame you, my dearest.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I hope it won't happen. But I'm talking about something else. I didn't mean to emasculate you... More than you already are by circumstances... when I was talking about you being in ways like a woman to me. I... I was thinking about my... Well, orientation. Which is a tricky topic. And I should explain why.

ELIM GARAK

 I know that I'm not your preferred type, my love, which never gave me any confidence. Well, before I drop to Vic Fontaine's.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh... Did he...

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Slet. I... I should talk to him about that.

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, if anything he didn't tell me enough if I still wasted years of our friendship. So reprimand him for that.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm burning.

ELIM GARAK

 The oil compress, my dear, when do you...

JULIAN BASHIR

 No, not because of that, because of embarrassment.

ELIM GARAK

 There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I don't know, isn't it embarrassing and... kinda illegal to make nonconsensual holograms of your academy teacher?

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, but it was Felix, not you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yeah, like you don't know I made all programs myself. I couldn't risk exposure, what would they say - oh, he's a brilliant doctor AND a brilliant holowriter? Too much brilliantness in my face.

ELIM GARAK

(smirks)

 Poor Julian. Always have to play dumb.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, you should know how it feels, plain simple tailor. So of course I shifted the blame on 'Felix'. There are several holowriters by that name and two companies, try to guess which Felix is the one. And after the... coming out... Well, what if they realize Vic is a stolen prototype from Zimmerman? So I didn't reveal my authorship. Not that I wanted to take commissions or anything...

ELIM GARAK

 You have no idea how I admire your criminal talent. You stole the prototype hologram!

JULIAN BASHIR

 I actually only copied it. And it was of me, and I should get some compensation, did I? After Zimmerman looked at me as at a freak.

ELIM GARAK

 I'm totally behind you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 So what Vic told you?

ELIM GARAK

 So why you actually made him and didn't finish your EMH?

JULIAN BASHIR

 I did. It even wasn't recognized as one. Maybe you were talking to him and didn't know. But... It was creepy for me. After the changeling...

ELIM GARAK

 Yeah... That was... Unpleasant. I didn't... Well, at least you had records from a hologram. Did I really talk to him?

JULIAN BASHIR

 No. We... We rarely talked those days.

ELIM GARAK

 I don't blame us. I was angry at myself for not recognizing the changeling, for you being forced to expose yourself because of me - as I thought.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I was angry at myself I couldn’t make you understand how important you are for me. I knew I blew it but didn't understand how and what to do. So I made Vic. I made him in my old male crush's image - for similarity with you. I made him a counselor so that he consults me. I made him crooning songs because it was right in my mood.

ELIM GARAK

 People thought - and you were very convincing - that you were pining over Jadzia that period.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I don't know. Could I do both?

ELIM GARAK

 You could.

JULIAN BASHIR

 So... I still have to tell you that... The reason it's so convenient for me about... You know. When they did my genetic changes... Well, I found out that I was genetically engineered in fifteen, when I checked DNA match of me and my parents. If I wasn't genetically enhanced I wouldn't notice that the differences that I found are not because there are not my biological parents but because my DNA was changed.

ELIM GARAK

 You checked if they are your parents?

Garak is very surprised like he can't understand why Julian would do that.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yes. I noticed some things... So I found out. They did very sloppy job at covering it up. I found the clinic, I found even the list of changes they did to me. I eliminated all the evidence. I can't believe there was so much evidence and I was so lucky nobody found out about it for whole six years. So... I found the list. My family's culture is homophobic even now. But it's mostly dormant, passive. Like in this case. I'm sure they even made very little of it. It's not homophobia if I will be not a homosexual, right? But homosexuality is not strictly genetic.

ELIM GARAK

 How so? It's hereditary.

JULIAN BASHIR

 If it's hereditary how homosexuality is still existing?

ELIM GARAK

 Because most of homosexuals procreate.

JULIAN BASHIR

 (Sighing)

Your species needs Sex Ed...

ELIM GARAK

 Or you need to stop being that smug and dig deeper in our species to understand its specifics.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, so your species has different biological rules than everyone else? You’re still carbon-based, are you? But who knows with your prolonged abuse of genetic manipulation... Maybe you're right. But now I'm talking about my species, right? Can I be a specialist in my own species? Can you trust me at least in this? Homosexuality and bisexuality and transsexuality and any other HUMAN sexual and gender related variations are not hereditary and not strictly genetic. They tried to make me heterosexual - from what I've been born with. And I was. Not quite. I found out in fifteen, I had plenty of time to challenge it and find out my now broken sexuality. I love women. Sexually. But I seem have no connection to them. Palis. Oh I was so in love with Palis… ‘Til I imagined us as a family. I would die with boredom. And she was smart and witty and oh so good in bed… I don’t know. And I constantly crush on men with no substance for real relationship, sometimes even friendship, because I look like a struck teenager and rumble like a fool. I loved Dax because she had all those men in her but still looked like a woman - very hot woman. 'Old man' indeed... An ideal variant, I tell you.

ELIM GARAK

 I'm not such an ideal variant, then…

JULIAN BASHIR

 No, you aren't.

ELIM GARAK

 Well, at least I'm a next best thing? Why didn't you find yourself another Trill then? Am I preventing you from this?

JULIAN BASHIR

 You didn't prevent me nothing those nine years after Dax.

ELIM GARAK

 But it's tempting.

JULIAN BASHIR

 No. Now I want to be with you. I think I always did, actually, I just didn’t realize how much. If I didn't pursue 'ideal' I could actually found one long time ago. In you. I'm pretty comfortable with you in any sense, my love. You don't need to worry.

ELIM GARAK

 What if my still hidden physiology will scare you when pop out? I am willing to not pressure you to find the solution, you know. I rather be with you without it than with it without you.

JULIAN BASHIR

(shrugs)

 

 No. I don't think it's an issue anymore. It’s just a piece of you. I think, first time in my life I've found the balance in a relationship. It won't be disturbed by some piece of flesh. Well, two pieces of flesh. By the way about the flesh. I need to check on your wound. And then you are going back to bed.

ELIM GARAK

 Only if you accompany me in there, my love.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Only as your doctor, naughty. New tissue is too fragile for love-biting.

ELIM GARAK

 (With a seductive smile)

 But also very sensitive.

Julian laughs and shakes his head.

INT. HOSPITAL?

It's clearly a dream sequence - everything is blurred and jagged. Julian is trying to resuscitate Garak but fails.

INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

Julian wakes up from the nightmare and takes tricorder from under the bed immediately to read medical data from Garak who is sleeping on the bed in the other corner of the room. It's normal so he sighs with relief but still comes up to check on some functions with his eyes and hands. Garak is waking up.

JULIAN BASHIR

 No, my love, go back to sleep, just checking up.

Garak grumbles but falls back to sleep.

ENT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - MORNING

Julian stands and looks at the garden with a cup of red leaf tea. Garak comes out of the house.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Yeah, now I have nightmares and insomnia. You mind?

Garak kisses Julian's neck from behind.

ELIM GARAK

 I scared you. I know.

JULIAN BASHIR

 How can I be sure it won't happen again?

ELIM GARAK

 I don't know.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You'll resume your sessions with Naven. And stop dodging her! She tolerates it because she thinks that it could be a subtle way for her therapy but I don't think it works.

ELIM GARAK

 I don't want her to know my secrets.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Somebody has to know them to help you!

ELIM GARAK

 Confidant. It's called 'confidant'.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You see, it's a requirement. Why you don't have a 'confidant'?

ELIM GARAK

 I never had one. Well, I had Tain's. As you know.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Maybe that's why you don't want one. You know that they betray. But she didn't, she just was a person. With her own needs and wants.

ELIM GARAK

 That's the problem. Any need and want can be exploited.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Why you don't want me as your confidant? Also think I can betray you?

ELIM GARAK

 No, my love, you're too good to betray me. And that is the problem. You will throw away your needs and wants for mine and I don't want that. Your needs and wants are more important than my secrets. I'm not distrusting you, I'm not burdening you.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You're not burdening me, silly. And I know already you made horrible things.

ELIM GARAK

 So you keep saying.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Also I know that you had no choice. Or else you wouldn't do them. I know because I've been there. Will it help if I burden you with my secrets?

ELIM GARAK

 You still have some? I'm impressed.

JULIAN BASHIR

 There are things I'm not proud of. I don't want anybody to know them. You are not the exception. And yes, they are bad. Like, murder bad. Innocent people died because of me. Because I tried to keep my secret. You thought I revealed it because I suddenly thought twice about trusting you with it but those people I let die was the cause of that decision. And it was war, the longer I kept the lid on my abilities the more people died because of me doing it. I couldn't do it anymore.

Garak takes Julian's face in his hands.

ELIM GARAK

 Your secrets are no burden to me, my love. Never were. On the contrary, they lift me up. The fact you share them with me... That was the moment I knew I'm lost. When you trusted me with your genetic secret, my love... Of course you did it in a most ridiculous way possible... With making me read those strange human picture books...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Comics. It's called 'comics'.

ELIM GARAK

 Yes. Comics. About the alien on Earth that had abilities none humans had. First I thought you are confiding in me you are Vulcan or something. You have to be more precise with your metaphors, my love. But I avenged me with my letters.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh, so that's why it was riddled with bad metaphors! And it's all my fault!

ELIM GARAK

 Of course, my dear, every deed has its consequences. But then you started discussion about Earth's Eugenics Wars and I finally got it. Well, at least you spared my dignity and let me find out myself and didn't tell me that straightforward.

JULIAN BASHIR

 When I cleared my records and all... I did it rather good. You wouldn't find out without me hinting.

ELIM GARAK

 So the only means were DNA tests. Not the scanning though - you made a false field around you. Rather like ones the Order use in undercover missions so I recognized that the readings are fake. And made my own tests.

JULIAN BASHIR

 So I made you my confidant. Because I thought I was yours.

ELIM GARAK

 Yes, you were that naive.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Well, your secret was widely known but I felt myself powerful - I've seen your boss! Of course I didn't know then you deem himself his son.

ELIM GARAK

 Deem?

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm sorry.

ELIM GARAK

 What does it mean?

Garak lets Julian's face go.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm sorry, I know you want to think him as your father and it's alright, really...

ELIM GARAK

 He was my father. You heard him!

JULIAN BASHIR

 Actually he never said... But he wasn't your biological father, you know that.

ELIM GARAK

 What?

JULIAN BASHIR

 Surely you made your own tests in his case, too?

ELIM GARAK

 I... Didn't.

JULIAN BASHIR

 What? Why?

ELIM GARAK

 Why would I...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Really? I made my own tests in my father's case when I was fifteen. You didn't make tests? Did you test Mila and Tolan? I tested Tain when he died and he was definitely not you father. I didn't tell you because I thought you knew... I couldn't fathom that you didn't do any tests yourself. I thought you just like to think of him as your father. Not in biological sense. Elim? Elim, I'm sorry. I... I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I should have told you. But. It's not the thing you want to tell someone. And I did it behind your back. It's not very polite. But I had to know.

ELIM GARAK

 You're lying to me...  Oh, is this Naven's plan? You want me to severe my mental bond with Tain which you deem toxic by convincing me he wasn't my biological father.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I don't...

ELIM GARAK

 Oh, that's clever! I might even be proud of you if you just didn't call Mila a liar.

JULIAN BASHIR

 For someone who made a lie his life's creed you definitely react too strong at someone else's lie. First of all, I didn't lie to you about doing the test and the result of it. I was the man's doctor his last days, I had every right. At least to know were his heart problems hereditary so you have a risk of it. You haven't. Because he wasn't your biological father. I know nothing beyond that. I don't know why you've been deceived. I don't know why you, paranoid to the core, let this lie fly over your head and never tested it. I don't know anything. I just did that one test. Of course now there is no proof of that because the database it was in blew up with DS9. And you will think of me as a liar. Elim. I don't know how to get out of this situation. But it's actually pretty ironic. And I can't understand how you do it. Know that people don't believe you.

ELIM GARAK

 It's actually very liberating.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I don't feel it. I feel frustration.

ELIM GARAK

 You lied all your life.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Strictly in one topic and it was really hard for me as I already confessed. What will we do about it? You will forget about what I said, consider me lying, what?

ELIM GARAK

 I don't know. It's my fault. I didn't test anything; I have no right to reject other's testimony if I had only... nothing. Why I never test anything? Now I will never know the truth... I never thought I would want the truth. I don't think I want it now.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Does anyone tell you explicitly that Tain is your father? Even he himself on a death bed didn't say the words. And in your letter Mila never actually said the words.

ELIM GARAK

 I just knew it. I always knew it. I didn't need the words.

JULIAN BASHIR

 That group of yours, Sons of Tain? Why you were called like that, do you think?

ELIM GARAK

 We were all protégés.

JULIAN BASHIR

 But you think you were the only biological son from all of you?

ELIM GARAK

 That's not why I knew. I knew him from childhood.

JULIAN BASHIR

 And they didn't?

ELIM GARAK

 I... I don't know. We rarely talked about him outside the job… One time one of them called him "uncle Enabran"...

JULIAN BASHIR

 Did you have anything else common with them? Tain sent assassins to all of "Sons of Tain" including you.

ELIM GARAK

 Because it wasn't Tain!

JULIAN BASHIR

 What?

ELIM GARAK

 It wasn't him. I thought you should know that since you were his last doctor. You didn't ask him when he was abducted? He didn't mention the incident with a false Founders homeworld? The meeting with me there? That he rejected my offer to come with me and how he escaped and didn’t die in an explosion?

JULIAN BASHIR

 No. No, he didn't, actually. I never asked and just assumed... Yeah, I get it now. You just assumed.

ELIM GARAK

 Do you think that it's strange? Do you think that it's strange that he didn't let me save him then but was so sure I'll come for him in the camp? Do you feel inconsistency there? The Tain I've met on that little trip of extermination of the Order and half of Tal Shiar was a changeling. They had two changelings on both sides - Romulan and Cardassian. I didn't know that then but when I saw you at Internment Camp... I didn't notice the replacement. He... This thing had not only your looks in every miniscule detail but it had your memory and mind and mannerisms... I let him fool me as I let them fool me with Tain. Of course I suspected Tain was a changeling and tested him - but we didn't know then they could copy the mind as perfect as the flesh. I thought it was him. It wasn't. He was already in the camp. They scanned him as they scanned you in that unreality chamber or wherever, for his mental copy. So changeling Tain refused to be saved because he wasn't in any danger. And the real one told you I'll save him because he saw you and it triggered association, not because I was the best or he knew I was the last one of the sons or even the Order… or even not because I was his real son... They sent assassins to "Sons of Tain" because we knew him best and could spot the changes. Or we thought we knew him best. If they got me without Odo I would be dead. But thus they had to stage a little show for me. With a protein sequencer, apparently. I don't know why Odo was affected and how but not with "prototype shapeshifting inhibitor" I was 'torturing' him with. There was never such a thing, according to Tal Shiar.

JULIAN BASHIR

 You once asked me how it's called, protein sequencer. I thought it's just a random curiosity. Are you sure Odo was affected? I thought it was strange he became such a friend to you after you tortured him.

ELIM GARAK

 He knew it was a ruse to distract me? And played along?

JULIAN BASHIR

 It is slightly strange that they not only let the torture happen but gave you the tool and actually made you do it. If Tain also was a changeling...

ELIM GARAK

 If Odo ever return... I have many things to say to him.

JULIAN BASHIR

 He either felt guilty he fooled you or decided to keep you closer for observation.

ELIM GARAK

 Never mind. I'm still mad at him for curing the Founders. I know it's irrational and all but the thought that they got out of it scot-free whereas we are lain in ruin...

JULIAN BASHIR

 It definitely feels like injustice.

ELIM GARAK

 Not 'is', just 'feels like'?

JULIAN BASHIR

 I'm sorry, of course 'is'. I don't know why I said it like that.

ELIM GARAK

 I dreamed of it on the way here. I'm coming here, sink into my people and heal them. Like him. I still clutch at this dream. But it's so much different. He never knew his own people. I knew plenty of mine; I knew the very soul of my people. He never lost anyone there. I found no one familiar. I sank here and couldn't breathe. I just drowned, I didn't heal anyone. How can I heal if there is no one left to heal? We are filing people, my love. We excel at filing. We have data bases of data bases. First thing we did - we named our dead. We filed our sorrow. There were no flowers to mourn, not enough blood in our bodies for everyone who is dead. We mourned with a database. So very soon I knew that there was no one for me. It's statistically improbable that there would be someone I knew alive. Most of them were dead even before that anyway...

JULIAN BASHIR

 What about Kel?

ELIM GARAK

 She was living on Cardassia IV at the time of the Fire. She returned there when the Hutet camp was shutting down - as a volunteer doctor. That's where she met her future wife and they decided to settle in there – mostly to make sure Hutet is indeed is closed.

JULIAN BASHIR

 She also was a volunteer?

ELIM GARAK

 I have to ask for a meeting with them both, I'm sure. It would be most helpful - we interracial couples have to stick together.

JULIAN BASHIR

 Oh. Vesa is Bajoran?

ELIM GARAK

 Vesa is a nickname. I still don't know her real name; they just assume I know it.

JULIAN BASHIR

 And you don't?

ELIM GARAK

 Which is strange indeed, considering her being in Hutet. So I'm just enjoying the intrigue.

JULIAN BASHIR

 And the baby, it’s going to be the hybrid!

ELIM GARAK

 Argh, I hope they don't plan to name the baby Ziyal!

JULIAN BASHIR

 Why? I think it would be cute.

ELIM GARAK

 ARGH!

Garak is annoyed and going back to house.

JULIAN BASHIR

 What?

ELIM GARAK

 It's time to go to work, that's what.

Garak disappears in the house.

JULIAN BASHIR

 I was talking about the baby. And did you forget you're still on your medical leave? You haven’t slept well, I'm sure you remember what happens if you don't sleep well?

Julian is going into the house.

FADE OUT

THE END

Of Episode III


End file.
